How my fear of being loved crippled me from finding my purpose, true self, and fulfillment for the first 29 years of my life

Written By Lucy Prebble

February 8, 2022

It started as a child. 👶

When I was growing up, I can count on one hand the times I enjoyed my childhood.

As a teenager – the only time I was ever having fun, I was either intoxicated or stoned.

As a young adult – only ever when someone would admire me (for a short few hours) or when I’d get a big paycheck (which lasted all of a few minutes).

In my mid-twenties, I left a long term relationship. One that was nice. But was safe.

I never allowed myself to be truly expressive. Not in the bedroom. Not in my emotions.

All of my relationships after that all ticked my boxes.

They we’re:
✅ Sexy
✅ Intellegent
✅ Passionate
✅ Significant
✅ Wealthy
✅ Stable

But still, it left so much to desire.

I was still always left longing for more.

A deep desire lacking within, that I kept blaming on others.

That they weren’t right.
That they weren’t enough.
That they weren’t the one for me.

But the truth was.

I was the one who wasn’t right.
I was the one who was missing something.
I was the one who couldn’t see my own blind spot.

It took me until I was 28 (3 years ago) to finally look back on my childhood. 👶

To look back at the abandonment I was subjected to as a child.

To look back on the fact that everyone I loved was too busy, or too in their own stuff to ever notice me.

That, to survive I had to learn to notice myself.

In the process, I built up a massive defence mechanism around my heart.

Of course, I could never give myself or my heart to someone – I’d never felt safe enough to do so.

…and if I ever did…

They could never feel safe enough to give themselves fully, to me.

I felt like I wasn’t worthy of being loved.

So, I needed to protect myself.

I subconsciously decided I was safer to go through life without opening myself to someone.

It wasn’t until I started seeking deeper to unlock my true self.

To unlock my potential.

To unlock my purpose.

Seeking desperately for fulfilment that I had no other choice.

🛤❌ I got to a crossroads. ❌🛤

I realised I either had to stay where I was – or venture into the unknown.

Open myself and risk experiencing the deepest levels of pain again.

Or risk never truly feeling fulfilled.

I choose to venture into the unknown…

And It’s been the hardest. Most rewarding journey of my life.

Without taking that risk…. I never would have found my true self.

Without taking that risk… I never would have created a business and life that is fully aligned with me

Without taking that risk… I never would have found my Purpose.

And without that risk, I’d never have truly found her Amelia Jones❤️🌹🙏

The one who allows me to be me.

In every inch of my being.

Who allows me to be me in every corner of my soul.

Who allows me to be me. And expand, shift and change in every moment – without judgement.

Who allows me to be me.
Raw. Real and Vulnerable.

The hardest decisions we make in our lives, always become the most important.

And the harder they are, the easier our life gets.

I’m so proud of my ability to transcend my past, learn the lessons for the present to teach those in the future.

Let love rule – it is the only way to find your true self, fulfilment and purpose x

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